Heat is stupid

I’ve taken two showers today. I’m not bragging.

The first was hurried, my girlfriend woke me up with a phone call asking me to come take pictures of she and her sisters for a photo album they are going to make for their parents. I was to meet them at Kerry park, about two blocks from my apartment, which has panoramic views of the Space Needle and Seattle proper. They were coming from breakfast. I hadn’t been invited.

I was however, the guest of honor at the wake your ass up and come take pictures of us outside on the hottest day of the year party. I don’t get invited to many parties.

It was unbearably hot then, at 10 in the morning.

The second shower, scant minutes ago, came after I spent several languid hours failing to avoid heating up the few cool pockets of air in my apartment. The project was doomed from the start.

It’s an unforgivable design flaw in the human mechanism that we should give off all this heat.

There are two engineers sitting near me. I know they're engineers because when I got here they were complaining about some flawed structural paradigm. They now seem to be talking about religion. They're discussing Christianity specifically. Both seem to be for it.

Maybe they can shed some light on this.

Christian engineers might have some special insight into how the God of Love could fuck up so badly. This is the kind of blatant disregard of thermal properties that engineers get fired for, they would know this. The problem, I'm sure, is seniority. They higher up you go, the more mistakes are tolerated because there are less people above you to piss off. 

Being chief engineer of the universe probably affords you a mistake or two.

That is a flawed structural paradigm.

It is doubly unfair that, of all human beings, I would give off the most heat--ever. This divergence from the norm can be expressed in powers of 10—in this case, 10 hojillion. This is what the conversion looks like: H_(Luke)=[H_{(Normal Human)}]^{10 hojillion}. That's heat in watts, in case you're keeping track.

Weather.com gives today a 9 on the sightseeing index. That sounds great. I feel like I should take advantage of that. I like to take the advice of indexes, especially when they're for something like sightseeing. The only sight I can see at the moment is the sweat beading on my forearm. Sweat has no business on the human forearm.

The second shower, then, was to try and recapture that old feeling of not leaking body fluids faster than I can replace them.

It worked, but not for long.

I managed to make it here in relative comfort, clinging to shadow, avoiding sunlight. I tried to look stealthy in a nonchalant way, which, to the observer, probably looked like drunken hopscotch.

Heat is bad for the way I'm percieved by others.

Heat makes men think it is a good idea to buy "unbifurcated garments"--utilikilts. I'm sternly opposed to this.

Heat is bad for civilization.

Now I'm just rambling like an idiot. It's because of the heat.

There is a woman here sipping a shot of espresso with a spoon. The spoon is twice the size of the shot glass. 

This is what heat does to you--makes you crazy.